


love me the way i am

by ari_lee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Self-Discovery, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24876484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ari_lee/pseuds/ari_lee
Summary: “You’re a good kid. Don’t let the world knock you down, okay? Stand strong, and you’ll find good people that you can trust. Believe me when I say that they’re out there.”Gay.What a dangerous word.People should just love who they love, right?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 12
Kudos: 81





	love me the way i am

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> it's finally complete. i've worked on this for about a month, and it's come together into something that's mostly cohesive.  
> i actually almost gave up on this because my word doc crashed 3 times so i lost a lot of scenes and edits. i gave up and moved to google docs, and here we are with the final product  
> thanks to bokaashii for helping me figure out my summary that was such a pain  
> see the end notes for more warnings

Akaashi knows what they say at school.

It’s why he stays silent. 

He stares at his notes. They’re neat and tidy, color-coded and organized by topic. He’s the only one sitting in the classroom, since he doesn’t sit with anyone else during lunch. His lunch box is sitting on his desk, but Akaashi isn’t particularly hungry.

He closes his notes and stares out the window next to him. The sun casts a golden glow on the field, and he admires it from afar. Akaashi wants to leave, since he doesn’t really need to pay attention in class. He’s ahead of the curriculum. He also doesn’t have any friends.

It isn’t like he tries to avoid people. It’s more like they avoid him. His unresponsive nature had driven away potential acquaintances, thus leaving him alone.

A few minutes later, the bell rings. Akaashi watches the skies dispassionately as his classmates begin filing into the room. A small stack of papers is suddenly set on his desk, causing Akaashi to glance up.

The class president smiles at him. “I know you were out sick yesterday,” he says, patting the papers, “so these are the notes you missed. I hope they’re helpful!”

“Thank you,” Akaashi murmurs, accepting the notes. His handwriting is surprisingly neat for a guy, and it’s clear that he knows how to take good notes. While Akaashi doesn’t really need them, he appreciates the sentiment.

“No problem,” the class president says with a kind smile before he returns to his seat. Akaashi watches him sit before his eyes move to skim over the notes.

“Have you heard?” Someone’s voice rings loudly across the room, causing him to stop. Akaashi spares a disinterested glance and finds that it’s one of the girls in his class. She’s incredibly noisy and loves parroting gossip around, which is why Akaashi strongly dislikes her. He refuses to remember her name, even if he’s just being petty.

“You’re being too loud,” Kyoko, the resident class beauty, frowns at her, who squawks an apology at her. Akaashi resists the temptation to roll his eyes. He’s tired of hearing about their pointless gossip. Still, rolling his eyes won’t stop her mouth from opening.

“Isao’s brother is gay!”

A silence falls over the classroom, creating a tense atmosphere. The girl seems to realize that her voice was far too loud as she retreats to her desk quietly and tries to make herself smaller. There’s something tight in the air, and it suffocates Akaashi. Kyoko looks like she wants to kill the girl.

The class president coughs into his fist and tries to smile brightly. “Class is about to start, please return to your seats! The teacher will be here any moment now.” With his interference, the class slowly comes back to life as the students take their seats and start chatting again with one another, but there’s still something heavy in the air. Akaashi stays silent, but he spots a familiar figure by the door.

Isao.

It’s obvious he heard what the girl yelled, as he seems hesitant to come into class. Akaashi tries to push these thoughts out of his head, and he focuses on the notes that were delivered to him. As expected, they’re not very useful to him. He’s already gone over all this on his own.

The door slams open, causing everyone to fall silent again. “Good to know you brats aren’t completely uncontrollable,” their teacher drawls as she takes her place in the front of the room. “Isao, take your seat. We can’t wait on you forever.” As she calls his name, a ripple goes through the room, but no one dares to breathe a word. Akaashi watches as Isao finally enters the room, looking down at the floor and hunched over in shame.

Gay.

What a dangerous word.

The teacher starts droning about something irrelevant to Akaashi, so he tunes him out. Instead, he stares at the back of Kyoko’s head.

Based on what Akaashi has observed from the guys in his grade, they all think that she’s the most beautiful in their year. Objectively, Akaashi can agree with them. Her silky black hair, flawless pale skin, and a slim figure all paint a pretty picture. Still…he can’t imagine himself dating her. Something about it doesn’t sit right with him.

She receives several confessions every week, but she always turns them down. She’s never accepted a single offer, and she’s never asked anyone either. Akaashi pities all the heartbroken guys, but he also can’t help but think that they’re rather stupid. Why ask when they know they’re going to be rejected? Her track record is completely empty.

There’s something odd about her as well, something that makes Akaashi itch uncomfortably. Akaashi can’t quite figure out what it is, so he doesn’t bother pondering on it. As long as she doesn’t bother him, he won’t bother her.

Akaashi’s thoughts flit over to Isao. He’s hunched over in the back row, as if he’s trying to be invisible. Akaashi feels sympathy for him. Why does it matter if his brother is gay? Why does it matter if anyone is gay?

People should just love who they love, right?

Unfortunately, Isao is small and weak, so he’s an easy target. Still, he’s rather cute, in Akaashi’s opinion. His brown hair looks soft and fluffy, his eyes are big and green, and freckles decorate his face. Akaashi thinks that he has doe eyes, but he’s usually busy hiding his face so he isn’t all that certain.

Their eyes happen to meet, and Akaashi thinks that Isao looks sad. He offers him a tiny smile, and something in Isao’s face changes. It immediately disappears though, and Isao looks away. Akaashi dismisses the small interaction as unimportant and turns his attention back to his notes.

* * *

Akaashi likes volleyball. He doesn’t have a strong passion for it, but he’s smart and athletically gifted, so he plays on the middle school team. He’s put on the starting line-up right away, much to the ire of his upperclassmen. 

He hears them whispering about him, but he steadfastly ignores them. If they’re jealous, they can take it up with the coach. It’s not his problem. 

After practice, Akaashi changes in the corner of the locker room. The rest of the guys are laughing and teasing each other. Akaashi quietly packs his things and leaves. Once he gets home, he grabs the volleyball and heads to the backyard. 

He practices against his house, and the familiar burn on his arms is comforting. Sweat drips down his face after an hour, and Akaashi flops down on the ground. He stares at the blue sky and closes his eyes, soaking in the warmth of the sun. It’s a bit uncomfortable, since he’s warm and sweaty, but he likes it anyway.

Once he hears the front door open, Akaashi opens his eyes and heads inside. His mother is on the phone, so he silently makes his way to the bathroom to shower. Once he finishes, he finds a box of takeout on the table for him for dinner. Akaashi eats before heading up to his room to do his homework. 

* * *

“Please go out with me!”

Akaashi ends up staring at another girl. He’s tired of these confessions, not when he’ll never accept them. He’s not even remotely interested in dating, and dealing with the aftermath of rejection is always exhausting.

They just don’t seem to understand that he’s not even remotely interested in them. He’s actually had some repeat confessions before, and he’s starting to feel the jealous stares of the other boys in class. It’s not like he wants all of the girls to be confessing to him. Really, the other guys are too much.

“I’m not interested,” Akaashi says tonelessly, and she looks up at him with tears in her eyes. Akaashi internally cringes.

“B-But Akaashi-san! I can be a really good girlfriend, I promise! I won’t be too clingy or ask for a lot!” Akaashi mentally sighs as she tries to convince him to date her.

“Sorry. I’m not looking to date right now,” he says. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to class.” Akaashi hurries away before she can respond. He feels bad, but he’ll stop being rude when the girls take a hint. Really, there’s only so many glares he can take from the guys without feeling upset.

He ends up taking a detour route home to avoid another confession. It takes a bit longer, but it’s worth the walk. When Akaashi enters his house, he spots his mother. She’s home early, which strikes Akaashi as odd.

Akaashi’s mother immediately spots him and calls out to him. “Keiji! We’re going to dinner tonight. I have an important business dinner, and I didn’t have time to whip something up for you. We can go out for dessert after the dinner is over. It’s been a while since I’ve spent time with my cute son!” She affectionately squeezes his cheeks before she hurries off to her own room to get changed. 

Akaashi pats his aching cheeks and retreats to his room to dress properly. Since she called it an important business dinner, something more formal would probably be appropriate. He pulls out dress slacks and a white dress shirt. After changing and fixing his hair, he waits patiently in the living room.

His mother soon appears, wearing a lovely red dress with her hair pinned up elegantly. He was right to dress formally. She’s on the phone, but she eyes him critically before nodding. Akaashi follows her silently as she continues to chat on the phone for business. The car ride there is short, and he does his best to remain still and sit straight once they’re seated inside.

Akaashi offers polite greetings to his mother’s business partners before he sits quietly by himself. They’re not all too interested in him, so he plays with the buttons on his sleeve. His mother has been getting busier and busier with her growing success, and he rarely sees her these days. She probably wasn’t lying when she said they would get dessert afterwards, but he keeps his hopes low. She’s too occupied to take him out on mother-son dates. He does his best to pretend that he’s paying attention to the adults, but he zones out and listens to the other conversations around him.

It’s entertaining for the most part. He laughs to himself when he hears a guy talking about a crazy dream he had recently, where he was transported to the jungle and had to find a hidden treasure in order to escape back home. He also overhears an argument between siblings, where they bicker over who gets the bigger half of dessert. Their banter is friendly, contrasting their sharp words. 

For a moment, Akaashi wonders what it would be like to have a sibling. Based on what other people have said, it seems like having siblings is a pain. Maybe it’s a good thing that he was born an only child. There’s no one to pester him when he wants to be alone.

His ears twitch when he overhears a confrontation happening a few tables over. There seems to be a fuss happening, so he diverts his eyes in that direction. There’s a couple staring at two men in disgust. Akaashi wonders why they’re so angry when he realizes that their fingers are laced across the table.

“I can’t stand being in here with them,” the woman huffs. “It’s making me extremely uncomfortable. You let those kind of people in here?” The husband seems to agree with her, though he doesn’t say anything out loud. The waitress looks uncomfortable, her eyes shifting back and forth between the couples.

Akaashi is carefully not to look too attentive, but his eyes continue straying towards them. His hands start sweating, so he discretely wipes them on his pants. His heart starts to race, and he tries to force himself to relax. It doesn’t work.

“Hey, that’s uncalled for,” one of the men says with a frown. “We’re not bothering you or anything. We’re just here to enjoy our meal.” The lady gives him a dirty look, looking over his uniform.

“I can see that you’re in the military,” she says with a haughty look. “Don’t you feel bad for your fellow soldiers? For being forced to work with you? God knows that you’re sinning, and he’ll send you to hell for it.” She physically shudders before standing abruptly and looking at her husband. “Let’s leave. I can’t stand being in here a moment longer.”

The couple leaves hurriedly, but Akaashi can still hear the whispers of the other customers. The waitress apologizes to the couple, but they wave her off. From here, Akaashi can see their strained smiles. It’s obvious they’re doing their best to ignore everyone around them.

An offhand comment makes Akaashi’s blood run cold.

“Think about the positives,” a man at a nearby table says to his friends, poking at his food disinterestedly. “They can’t have kids. If you give it time, they’ll eventually wipe themselves out.” His friends seem to agree with him, and Akaashi feels sick. 

Akaashi excuses himself to the bathroom. He splashes water on his face and pats it dry before staring at himself in the mirror.

He looks plain. His hair is a little messy, and he runs a hand through it. He tries to arrange it into something a little more appropriate for the formal dinner, but he huffs as it doesn’t work. A gentle hand on his back startles him, and he looks up to see a familiar face.

The man who was being yelled at earlier smiles down at him. “Would you like some help?” Akaashi nods silently and the man works through his hair gently, fixing it into something decent looking. It looks far better than what he had managed to do by himself.

“Thank you,” Akaashi says quietly. The man offers him another friendly smile before he enters the stall to use the bathroom. Akaashi moves to leave, but something makes him hesitate. He ends up hesitating long enough that the man soon emerges from the stall to wash his hands.

“I’m not bothered,” Akaashi suddenly blurts out. The man looks up at him, startled, and Akaashi’s face turns bright red.

“I...I just heard what happened earlier,” Akaashi mumbles, looking at his feet. “And I wanted to say sorry for her. She was rude.” The man dries his hands with a paper towel before patting Akaashi’s head again.

“You’re very kind,” he says with a sincere smile. “Don’t worry. There are always people like her. Sooner or later, you learn to block it out.”

“But you shouldn’t have to,” Akaashi protests, but he immediately shuts his mouth. He’s never been this vocal. Something is making him more anxious than usual, and the man seems to sense it. His eyes turn a little sad and understanding shines through as he kneels to match Akaashi’s height.

“My name is Kiyoshi,” he says. “Is there something on your mind? It might be a little awkward in the bathroom, but I can offer an ear.” Akaashi hesitates.

“My name is Akaashi,” he says, trying to be polite. “It’s nice to meet you.” The man nods and waits. Akaashi bites his lip as he tries to form a coherent sentence to match his thoughts.

“Is your…boyfriend really okay in the military?” He asks, and Kiyoshi blinks in surprise. He seems to think over his answer before he shrugs.

“His fellow soldiers don’t know, actually.” Akaashi’s surprised, and it must show in his face as Kiyoshi suppresses a chuckle. “He hasn’t come out to them, but he’s planning on it soon.”

Kiyoshi sighs and closes his eyes. “I told him not to because they drove me out years back, but he insisted. He said he doesn’t want to hide me any longer.” Kiyoshi smiles wryly. “How could I stop him after he said that?”

“They kicked you out?” Akaashi asks curiously before wincing. It probably came out a bit more insensitive than he intended. Thankfully, Kiyoshi just laughs it off before his expression turns a little more solemn.

“They called me a hero for killing a man, then dismissed me for loving one.” Akaashi’s heart clenches at his words. “The world’s not kind kid, and I’m sorry you’ll have to face it like we did.”

The door opens, and the boyfriend pops his head in. “You okay? Our food is out, so I came to check on you.” His eyes land on Akaashi, who shrinks back at his sharp gaze.

“Akaashi here had some kind words for us,” Kiyoshi intervenes, and his boyfriend’s gaze turns a lot softer. “He spoke up when he didn’t have to.”

Something seems to pass between them unspoken, because the boyfriend comes over and pats his back. “You’re a good kid. Don’t let the world knock you down, okay? Stand strong, and you’ll find good people that you can trust. Believe me when I say that they’re out there.”

Akaashi doesn’t understand why this man is telling him this but he nods, his ears tinged pink. They’re both incredibly kind, and they don’t deserve any harsh words. It doesn’t help that they’re also both very attractive, and Akaashi tries to hide his red cheeks. They laugh, but not at him, and they escort him out of the bathroom. It seems nice, having someone that you can love so openly.

Akaashi joins his table again and sits through the rest of dinner quietly. During the dinner, the couple sneaks him occasional waves, and Akaashi discreetly waves back. It’s kind of fun, and he’s a little happy that they’re indulging a little kid like him.

As he anticipated, his mother doesn’t take him out for dessert. She apologizes when something else comes up before putting money in his pocket and telling him to take a taxi home. He watches as she drives off to meet someone else, and then sits on a nearby bench.

The sky is beautiful. The sun sets a gorgeous orange cast over the streets, and the pink seems to fade into the deep blue of the evening sky. Akaashi watches the sun sink behind the horizon, swinging his legs back and forth. As soon as the sun disappears, he flags down a taxi and heads home. 

* * *

A few days later, Kyoko confesses to him. This time, it’s a little different, and it surprises Akaashi.

“Won’t you go out with me?” Kyoko asks, examining her nails critically. Akaashi wonders how she does anything with those long nails. He personally can’t see the appeal. 

Despite this being a ‘confession’, Akaashi can’t help but think that she doesn’t look all that interested in him. Her next words confirm his theory. “I think we would make a nice couple. After all, we’re both good-looking.” She offers him a fake smile, and it unnerves him.

He’s never heard of a shallower reason. Akaashi gives the same response he’s given all the other girls.

Kyoko’s eyes narrow as she focuses her attention on him properly for the first time. There’s something in her gaze that he doesn’t like, but he doesn’t falter. He’s not going to cave because she looks a little scary.

“Are you rejecting me right now?” There’s something dangerous in her tone, but Akaashi is unmoved. He nods.

“I’ll give you another chance,” she says, crossing her arms as she leans back against the wall. Her eyes seem to pierce right through Akaashi. “Let’s date. I’m not asking.”

“I’m not interested,” Akaashi repeats. A hint of cold fury emerges on her face before she manages to conceal it. With a fake smile, she flickers her hair behind her shoulder and walks off.

“You’ll regret this,” she calls over her shoulder before she rounds the corner and disappears inside the school building. Akaashi watches her go before he shrugs it off and heads back inside as well. It’s not like he really has friends, and honestly, it’s like he doesn’t even exist at school.

He had no clue how wrong he was.

The next morning, there’s something tense in the air. He’s sure that he’s just imagining it, but he gets dressed and heads to school. As he gets closer to the school, the feeling only gets worse and he wonders if he can fake being sick. 

Something is telling him to not go in there.

Regardless, it’s not like he can skip school because of a bad feeling he has. He squares his shoulders and steps inside and heads to his classroom. What he doesn’t anticipate are the stares from the people around him and the whispers that float through the school. Akaashi grips his backpack strap a little tighter before walking into his classroom.

The change is drastic. As soon as he steps in, the voices fall silent and the eyes flock towards him. Akaashi does his best to ignore them as he takes his seat and pulls his belongings out. Is he imagining it, or are those girls over there snickering at him?

“Well, would you look who came in,” Someone from his class strides over to his desk and leers at him. “Something interesting came out yesterday. I heard that a certain someone,” he leans forward and stares right at Akaashi’s eyes, “is _gay_.”

Akaashi meets his gaze evenly and tries to hide his trembling hands. He laughs and backs up. “Kyoko told us that she caught you making out with Isao yesterday.” Akaashi is suddenly grateful that Isao isn’t here yet. “Guess gay runs in their family. Like some kind of a curse.”

A few of the other guys start laughing with him, and Akaashi doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have anything to say. He only keeps his mouth shut and lowers his head. “Be careful,” the guy says mockingly. “If you’re not careful, you might get contaminated by the _gays._ ”

“Hey,” The class president steps up, frowning at the guy. “Please don’t harass the other students. It’s my duty to look out for everyone, and I won’t tolerate these actions in class.” He sneers at the class president but backs off, and Akaashi is extremely grateful for his intervention.

No one else speaks directly to him, but it’s obvious they’re all talking about him. Akaashi dully thinks that he should have listened to his gut and stayed home. His hands continue to tremble violently, and his heart thumps loudly in his chest. He feels terribly sick.

Why had she lied about Isao and him? Was this what she meant yesterday when she said he would regret it? While part of the accusation held some truth, he had never thought about Isao that way. 

Still, the entire school knows about him now, and he’s scared. 

While the class president does his best to stop the harassment in class, it’s obvious that his efforts alone aren’t enough. He comes to school and sees words written all over his desk. He finds obscene images hidden in his desk, and he burns with humiliation. He throws all the pictures away and refuses to let the tears fall.

Practice is even worse.

“Sorry?”

The captain shifts uncomfortably. “Well, a lot of the members don’t feel comfortable with you being on the team, now that we know you’re,” he hesitates. _Gay_ , Akaashi’s mind fills in for him.

“So you’re politely requesting that I leave the team of my own will,” Akaashi says flatly. The captain winces but doesn’t refute his words. Instead of the dull pain that’s been stabbing his chest for the last few days, hot, boiling anger erupts through him. He’s tired of being treated like this.

“I’m sorry,” Akaashi says calmly, though he’s angry. “I would like to keep playing on the team. If anyone has complaints, they can bring it to me.”

They do.

Akaashi quits after three days.

* * *

School is unbearable. He doesn’t say a word to his mom. She’s busy with her own business, and he doesn’t know how she’ll take this whole affair. He doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with her. Still, she pats him on the head whenever they run across each other and buys foods that Akaashi likes. She even gets him a new volleyball to practice with.

It seems that Isao has heard the rumors as well, because he can barely meet Akaashi’s eyes. Akaashi knows that it’s not his fault, but it still hurts a little. He continues through the motions of school, sitting through class painfully, then running home as soon as the bell rings for the last time every day. He continues practicing volleyball in his backyard by himself.

His mom is home less and less. It seems like her business is doing well, and Akaashi eats alone more often. In his dreams, he can hear the laughter of the students echoing behind him as he walks away from class, or the cruel words of his former teammates. The bruises on his body still ache.

Akaashi hates going to school. It’s not like he needs to be there. School is easy enough for him and everyone is cruel, so why does he have to go? Still, Akaashi is a filial son, and he’ll keep going. For his mother. She may not always be home, but she is kind to him where it counts, so he’ll be a good son.

Still, it hurts. School sucks.

Things change a little when Isao approaches him in secret.

“Er, Akaashi?”

Akaashi looks up. It’s Isao. It’s currently their lunch break, and Akaashi had retreated to a far tree where he would be alone. Why Isao followed him all the way out here, he doesn’t know.

“Can we talk?” He says nervously, and Akaashi nods, doing his best to keep a blank expression. He can’t help but admit to himself that he’s a little intrigued, if not nervous. What does Isao want to talk to him about?

Isao takes a seat next to him and fidgets nervously while Akaashi continues eating. It seems that he’s trying to pull himself together, so Akaashi waits patiently and takes a sip from his water bottle.

“A-Are you actually gay?”

Akaashi spits his water out and coughs. Isao immediately stammers out an apology as Akaashi wipes his mouth. He can’t meet Isao’s eyes, and his heart is already racing nervously.

What should he say? Should he be honest? Should he lie? Should he apologize for getting Isao caught up in the rumors?

_You’ll find good people you can trust._

Is he supposed to take a gamble?

Akaashi bites his lip and takes a deep breath. It’s not like it can get any worse. The entire school has heard the rumors. “I am. Why do you ask?” Isao only gapes at him before he lets out a sigh. Is that a relieved sigh?

“I am too,” he admits. “I was startled when that rumor came out. I’m sorry you got caught up in my mess.” Something in Akaashi’s throat clogs up.

“No, it’s my fault,” he says, staring at the ground. “Kyoko asked me out, but I said no, so she got mad. I’m sorry you got caught up in my mess.” Akaashi’s mouth feels a little funny. He hasn’t said this much in a very long time.

Isao is obviously startled by this, but he startles Akaashi by laughing. It’s not hateful in any way, and something that resembles hope starts rising in Akaashi’s heart. It’s there, bubbling at the surface, but he grabs onto it.

“Friends?” Isao offers, and Akaashi swallows the lump in his throat.

“Friends.”

Isao really does have doe eyes. Akaashi thinks that they’re beautiful.

* * *

It’s a little easier with someone by his side. They agree not to talk at school, in case more rumors start, but they hang out afterschool. Sometimes they get ice cream, sometimes they hide out at the library, or they just hang out at each other’s house.

Akaashi finds that Isao is a lot more than the shy, quiet boy in his class. Though he rarely ever speaks at school, he loves to talk when it’s just the two of them. It works out great as Akaashi isn’t much of a talker, and he likes listening to Isao talk. Once it’s clear that Akaashi isn’t going to punch him for chatting his ear off, Isao turns playful. Akaashi finds that their study sessions usually end in something childish, like a tickle fight.

He makes Isao swear on his soul to never tell anyone that he’s ticklish.

Akaashi learns the little things about Isao. How his nose turns red when he’s embarrassed, or how he can’t handle spicy foods but pretends he can. How he’s petty when he’s mad, and his ears twitch when he lies. The time they spend together increases exponentially, and Akaashi also finds out that Isao loves sweets with a passion. Though he tries to hide it, Akaashi is never convinced.

Isao loves to make fun of Akaashi’s love of onigiri. Akaashi diligently eats at least one onigiri every day, because onigiri is a blessing to this earth. Isao’s eyes crinkle when he smiles, and it makes Akaashi feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

It’s quite obvious that Isao wants to talk to him at school as well once they start getting along, but Akaashi firmly refuses. He knows that if they start talking at school, more rumors will pop up. Akaashi won’t let Isao suffer even more because of him. As soon as school ends, the two of them meet up somewhere far from school and enjoy their time together. 

Akaashi discovers that he’s terrible at video games. No matter what, he always ends up losing or dead last. Isao laughs at him mercilessly, but his mouth is pressed tight together when Akaashi proves victorious at all forms of card games. Akaashi hides a smile as he drops down a straight flush. Isao wails as he reluctantly hands over the last macaron. 

Isao even agrees to learn some volleyball from him, even if he’s terrible. Akaashi collapses from laughter when Isao accidentally eats a mouthful of dirt from a failed receive. Isao pouts and punches him in the shoulder, but he still plays volleyball with Akaashi. 

Unexpectedly, Akaashi receives a surprise. He’s at Isao’s house doing homework, and he excuses himself to use the bathroom. As soon as he dries his hands and walks out, he’s greeted by a familiar face.

Kiyoshi is obviously startled to see him here, but a warm smile emerges as they cross each other. Akaashi wants to bask in it, just for a little bit. “Akaashi, right? It’s been a while.” Akaashi nods, secretly thrilled that this man remembers his name.

“Kiyoshi-san.” Kiyoshi chuckles at his shy greeting and pats his head.

“You must be Isao’s friend. He’s been talking very fondly about you for a while. I’m glad to know my brother has a good friend like you.” His hand is warm and comforting, and Akaashi’s ears glow pink. “Anyways, I won’t hold you up here. Isao’s waiting for you.”

Akaashi nods quickly and scurries back to the room where Isao is waiting for him. Isao is lounging lazily on the ground, and he sits up when Akaashi comes back. He immediately spots his pink ears and starts laughing like crazy.

“My brother is cute, right?” He says with a grin, and Akaashi throws a pillow at him. “My brother’s only off work for the week, so don’t get used to it,” he teases, and Akaashi throws a pillow at his face. Isao immediately retaliates. It’s fun, and Akaashi hides a smile behind his pillow. He likes this confident Isao much more.

Once they’re tired out, they flop onto the bed. They’re silent, but Akaashi feels content where he is. “Do you like anyone?” Isao suddenly asks. Akaashi props himself up on his elbows and looks at him. “I was just curious,” Isao adds, but he’s not meeting Akaashi’s eyes.

Akaashi thinks about it. He’s not sure if he likes anyone. What does it really mean to like someone? He voices his thoughts, and Isao looks thoughtful.

“I think it’s when you want to hold their hand and hug and kiss,” he informs Akaashi. “That’s what normal couples do, right?” Akaashi bristles inwardly at his words.

“Just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we won’t be normal couples,” Akaashi says. “Don’t think that way.” Isao rubs his head sheepishly before laying back down.

“Have you ever kissed another boy?” Isao asks, and Akaashi wonders why he’s asking all these questions. Akaashi shakes his head in response. Isao is the first person he’s ever befriended, and he tells him as such. Isao looks so touched that he might start crying, and Akaashi tries to pat him consolingly.

“Then,” Isao asks shyly, once he’s collected himself enough, “can we try kissing? Just as friends,” he adds hastily. “I just want to know what it’s like to kiss a boy.”

It’s a little scary. Akaashi has been avoiding these kind of thoughts fervently, yet Isao is knocking down all his walls. It’s hard to resist an earnest request from his very first friend. After he mentally grapples with himself, he sighs and gives in. “I guess.”

Isao perks up before sitting up. He looks nervous, and he fidgets. “How does this work?” He asks anxiously, and Akaashi shrugs. He wouldn’t know any better.

Isao takes a deep breath and leans forward. Akaashi almost subconsciously leans back as Isao’s lips meet his, and then they’re suddenly kissing. It’s messy and it’s obvious that they don’t know what they’re doing, but it’s not the worst. His face turns hot and Akaashi fumbles.

Isao pulls back, looking a little dazed and red in the face. He almost looks cute, and Akaashi is pleased to know that he wasn’t the only one affected. “Can we try again?” He asks breathlessly, and Akaashi nods. They try again, and Akaashi is eventually pushed back onto his back on the bed.

They don’t get much work done that night, but Akaashi finds out that kissing is nice. Of course, he denies that he almost screeched when Isao first poked his tongue in, but he wouldn’t mind doing it again. Kissing boys is kind of fun, and Akaashi thinks Isao is kind of cute.

Just a little.

“I should probably go home now,” Akaashi says, looking at the time. Isao is obviously disappointed, but he lets Akaashi go. Kiyoshi waves with a knowing smile as Isao walks him out, and Isao grabs Akaashi’s hand before he leaves.

“Will you come over again tomorrow?” he asks nervously, and Akaashi nods. Isao smiles and lets Akaashi go, waving energetically as Akaashi walks away. School still sucks, but Akaashi feels like he’s floating.

The next day, it’s just as pleasant as the night before. It’s still sloppy, but Isao giggles into his lips, and Akaashi smiles. They’re just messing around, but it’s so much fun and it feels nice.

Is this what it would be like to date a boy? To kiss and to smile and to have fun?

A week later, Isao doesn’t come to school.

Nor does he come the next day.

Or the day after that.

Akaashi texts him, but there’s no response. He’s getting worried, and he doesn’t know where his friend is. He even goes to their house, but no one answers. Not even Kiyoshi.

He happens to be lucky enough to run into Kiyoshi at the grocery store a few days later. He’s buying his dinner when he spots a familiar face. Before he can escape, Akaashi grabs his hand. Kiyoshi flinches at the sudden contact before turning to face him.

“Is Isao okay?” Akaashi asks in a rush, and Kiyoshi looks resigned. There are bags under his eyes, and he looks tired. Akaashi’s heart sinks.

He ends up following Kiyoshi to the hospital, and Akaashi cries when he sees Isao sleeping on the hospital bed. He begs Kiyoshi to tell him what happened, but he won’t say a word. Akaashi stays by his side until the nurses come to kick him out.

As soon as school lets out the next day, Akaashi runs to the hospital. Isao is still sleeping, and Akaashi sits there for the rest of the evening. Kiyoshi visits as Akaashi sits by Isao’s side stubbornly, and he lays a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder.

“It wasn’t pretty,” he finally speaks, and his voice is raspy and dull. “A group of guys got their hands on him and beat him up. He tried to get home, but he accidentally stumbled out onto the street because he had a concussion. Thankfully, he’s stable, but they don’t know when he’ll wake up.” Akaashi clenches his fists as tears leak out his eyes.

“Why?”

Kiyoshi tenses up at a single word. Yet Akaashi already knows the answer, and he cries even harder. Kiyoshi offers a hug, and Akaashi falls into his arms.

He’ll never let anyone get close to him. Not after this.

* * *

“What’s going on?” Akaashi asks. He doesn’t understand what’s going on. Why is everything being put into boxes? Who are these people coming in and out of the house?

His mother motions for him to be quiet. She’s on the phone, as usual, and he waits patiently for his answer. As soon as she’s done, she hangs up and turns to face him with a smile. “We’re moving to Tokyo!” She says eagerly.

Tokyo? Tokyo is very far from here. Very, _very_ far.

“Why?” Akaashi asks. His mother makes a dismissive motion with her hand.

“It’s for work. Don’t worry about it, mother will take care of everything.”

* * *

Before he leaves, he stops by Isao’s house to say bye to Kiyoshi. The man gives him a sad smile and pulls him into a hug. Akaashi allows himself one last moment of weakness before giving him a letter to give to Isao when he wakes up.

* * *

His new school is nice. It’s way bigger than his last school, and people don’t bother talking to the new kid. He hesitantly joins the volleyball team again, because he wants to keep playing. To be useful.

“You’re pretty talented,” the coach comments, once he watches Akaashi play for a bit. “I know you just moved here, but I think I might put you on the starting line-up soon. As long as you have good chemistry with the rest of the team, it shouldn’t be a problem.” Akaashi bows, grateful for the opportunity. He hopes it’ll go better than his last school.

Playing with his teammates isn’t a problem. Akaashi can easily adapt to them, and they don’t seem to have problems adjusting to him as well. As soon as practice finishes, he shuts himself off. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened at his last school. He scurries home before they try to talk to him, and he refuses to connect with his classmates.

His last year of middle school passes by like this. He ignores his classmates, he plays volleyball, and he keeps to himself. He cries at home when they don’t make it to the finals of the tournament. He graduates, and he ponders his choices for high school.

A letter comes to his house.

It’s addressed to him, and Akaashi opens it curiously. It’s from Fukurodani, and Akaashi reads the letter with trepidation. As he makes it to the end, he’s made up his mind.

He’ll go to Fukurodani high school.

* * *

He wonders if he’ll feel happy again. 

* * *

“I played setter. Pleased to make your acquaintance.” He bows his head in greeting to his new team. “I am Akaashi Keiji, from Mori middle school.” The captain nods at him, and Akaashi raises his head. Akaashi fails to notice the second year that perks up at his introduction.

Their first practice isn’t as intimidating as he expected. It seems like everyone here is pretty friendly, and they seem to mesh well together. He’ll give it a few more days before coming to a conclusion.

After a few more days, he decides that he’s scared.

Everyone on the team is extremely nice to him. In middle school, he had never been overly friendly with his teammates. They had cooperated just enough to play in games, and they had given up early in their attempts to befriend him.

Here, they’re trying to be inclusive. Especially Bokuto and Komi, a pair of second years. They’re both ridiculously energetic, but they’re also kind and outgoing. A far cry from what Akaashi is used to.

“Hi! I’m Bokuto!” A second year with ridiculous hair greets him loudly. Akaashi’s eyes only linger on his hair for a moment before he returns the greeting. “Do you want to set for me?” Bokuto asks, looking incredibly eager, but he’s dragged away by Komi before Akaashi can give his answer. Akaashi blinks, perturbed by the strange second year. He chooses to ignore it.

Unfortunately, it seems that Bokuto is hellbent on getting Akaashi to set for him. Akaashi finally gives in after Bokuto scares him by jumping out of the showers and begging him to set after practice for him. 

Whenever he has a free moment, Bokuto always drags Akaashi into setting for him. At first Akaashi had done it begrudgingly, as Bokuto was a year above him, but it ended up being better than he thought. Akaashi can see the potential that he has, the explosive power that lies behind his spikes. He’s sure that Bokuto can become a powerful weapon for their team.

It seems like the coach agrees with him.

“There’s a reason why I wanted you to come to this school,” the coach says with a wry smile. “I know you can see his potential. You can see what your team is capable of, which is why I sent out a recommendation. Your old team wasn’t utilizing your talents enough.” Akaashi bows in thanks before he returns running laps

During practice, his teammates constantly pat him on the back or tell him that he’s doing a good job. No one gets mad when he hesitantly makes suggestions. One of the second years asks if he wouldn’t mind practicing with him, one-on-one. When they manage to synch together and pull off an incredible quick, he holds his hand up for a high-five. Akaashi obliges.

His mind is filled with conflicting thoughts. It’s because this team is already so precious to him that he’s scared. He’s already fond of the odd team, filled with kind but strange people that slot together like misshaped puzzle pieces. What can he do when he’s scared that they’ll turn against him, just like in middle school?

He’s not sure he can handle this heartbreak.

That’s why he rejects their invitations to hang out after practice. To meet up on weekends. He pulls himself away from them and hurries back to his empty home. Just like in middle school. Thankfully, no one confronts him about it, but they eventually stop offering. There’s the occasional invite, but Akaashi always politely turns them down.

This is good. Distance is good.

“Akaaaaashi!” Bokuto calls, waving at him. “We’re getting ramen, do you want to come?” Bokuto has a pleading look on his face, but Akaashi is already thinking of how to reject him. The second-years have their own tight knit group, and he’s not about to intrude. Interestingly, Bokuto is always inviting him to events, though Akaashi continuously refuses him.

“My apologies, Bokuto-san,” he says apologetically. “I have to study for an upcoming test. I haven’t had enough time to prepare for it.” Bokuto deflates, and his hair wilts with him. Akaashi resists the urge to laugh. 

“Okay,” Bokuto says, looking dejected. Akaashi hesitates. He feels incredibly guilty, but he ultimately keeps his mouth shut as the second years file out the door. Bokuto waves at him before they leave, and Akaashi nods at him. He packs his own bag quickly before heading out as well.

* * *

There’s something inspiring about watching Bokuto play. Akaashi watches as Bokuto soars and slams the ball down with sheer power. They’re playing a three-on-three, and he’s with Bokuto and Konoha. 

The other side manages to receive the ball, and Akaashi watches, then jumps. “One touch!” He calls, and immediately moves into place. Konoha sends the ball towards him, and Akaashi sets. 

This time, they’re successful. Bokuto powers through with brute force, and he cheers loudly. “Wasn’t that great, Agkaaashi?” Akaashi wonders how his name gets butchered more and more as the days pass by. 

“It was amazing, Bokuto-san.” His reply is usually the same, but he’s always genuine. Bokuto laughs proudly and Akaashi sighs. “Please focus, Bokuto-san. We’re still in the middle of a game.” 

“Ah!” Bokuto startles and immediately turns back to face the other team. “Sorry!” As the points go back and forth, Akaashi’s team eventually pulls out a win. Akaashi wipes the sweat from his face when something appears in the corner of his eye.

“Here you go.” Suzumeda hands him a water bottle, and Akaashi accepts it gratefully. He takes a long drink before setting it down. 

“Thank you, Suzumeda-senpai.” 

She smiles and shakes her head. “Kaori, please. Not Suzumeda. After all, we’ll be spending a lot of time together. And there’s no need to call me senpai. I’m not a stickler for honorifics.” Akaashi blinks and stares at her. After a few seconds, he dips his head into something that resembles a bow. 

“Alright, Kaori-san.” She grins at him before moving to hand Bokuto and Konoha their water bottles. Akaashi likes her. There’s something very genuine in her expression, and it makes Akaashi feel like he can trust her. Just a bit. 

He immediately dismisses these thoughts. He’ll be courteous, of course, but he won’t get close. Akaashi uses a towel to wipe the remaining sweat off his face before moving to stretch. 

* * *

Akaashi wakes up feeling dizzy. He feels like he’s about to die from the cold, and his head hurts terribly. He tries to stand to get a glass of water, but he ends up collapsing at the doorway of his bedroom. He uses the wall to force himself up to the kitchen, where he takes his temperature.

39.4 C.

Akaashi manages to pull out what he thinks are pills for fever and swallows one before trudging back to bed. He sends a quick message to his mom to call the school before he shuts off his phone and buries himself under his blanket.

He spends most of the day in a haze, drifting between sleep and consciousness. It’s hard to sleep when everything hurts so much, but he shuts his eyes and refuses to budge. He vaguely thinks that he’s probably supposed to eat something, but he wouldn’t be able to feed himself without burning himself or something worse, so he gives up on that endeavor.

The doorbell rings and Akaashi groans. He pretends that he didn’t hear it and stays still, hoping they’ll go away. The bell rings three more times, a bit more frantically, and Akaashi drags himself out of bed. He keeps a blanket wrapped around himself as he makes it to the front door and manages to wrench it open.

“Who is…” Akaashi trails off as he sees his team members. Bokuto, Washio, and Konoha are standing there. Akaashi wonders if his fever-addled mind is making them up.

“Akaashi!” Bokuto exclaims, looking as if he’s about to start crying. “You didn’t show up to practice but then coach told us you were sick and no one was home to take care of you so I decided to come over but I didn’t know what to get so Komi and Washio came to help me-“

Akaashi holds up a hand to stop Bokuto from rambling. “My head hurts, Bokuto-san,” he mumbles. “Can you talk a bit quieter?” Bokuto’s mouth immediately shuts.

Konoha takes the bag from Bokuto and gestures to Akaashi. “Hey Bokuto, you should help your poor underclassman back to bed. He looks like he’s about to pass out from just standing there. Washio and I will make something for him to eat.” Bokuto nods fervently and Akaashi finds himself being swept off his feet. His head spins for a moment as he tries to orient himself.

“Is this necessary?” He says dryly. Konoha nods, trying to look serious. Akaashi’s not convinced at all.

“We wouldn’t want our precious teammate to get even more sick,” Konoha says with a grin. Bokuto nods in agreement before entering the house. He’s careful to walk smoothly, which Akaashi appreciates.

“It’s the first bedroom down the hallway on the left,” he mumbles, resting his head against Bokuto’s chest. Bokuto is very warm, and he’ll take advantage of it while he can. After all, he’s sick.

Bokuto gently sets him down on his bed, and Akaashi curls up under his blanket again. It’s still freezing cold, but Bokuto pulls the blanket down to cover only his legs. “You’re burning up, Akaashi,” he says worriedly. “You’ll overheat under the blanket!” Akaashi wants to protest, but he somehow registers that there’s some truth in what he’s saying so he stays quiet. 

“Why didn’t you tell anybody?” Bokuto suddenly says, looking like a wilted plant. Even his hair is drooping, much to Akaashi’s amusement. He wonders if Bokuto’s hair follows his mood. “We were all wondering if you were okay when you didn’t show up to practice. I had to wheedle coach for twenty minutes to get your address!”

Akaashi blinks as he tries to process everything Bokuto just said. It takes him a second, but he frowns. “I didn’t think you would care,” he says, his eyes straying over to the ceiling. “No one ever cares.”

“I care!” Bokuto insists, grabbing Akaashi’s hand. Is it just him, or did the room just get a bit warmer? Maybe it’s the fever. Bokuto squeezes Akaashi’s hand like he needs extra reassurance. “Not just me though. Everyone else was worried too!”

Akaashi smiles, though it’s a little off. “That’s nice,” he mumbles under his breath. But for how long? How long until they threw him away, or decided that he was disgusting because he was gay?

“What?”

Did he say all of that out loud?

Bokuto looks like he’s about to really cry, so Akaashi reaches up and pats his cheek weakly. “Don’t be sad. It’s not your fault,” he comforts him. “If you don’t like me, that’s okay. No one does. You don’t have to pretend.”

“No!” Bokuto squawks indignantly. “I’m not pretending! No one’s pretending! Everybody likes Akaashi!”

“He’s right.” Akaashi looks over at the doorway with a confused look. Washio is standing there with a steaming bowl. “We all like having you on the team. Trust us a little more.”

For some reason, Washio reminds him of something important. It’s too difficult to try and remember it now, so he’ll think about it later. At the moment, he’s busy being sick.

Konoha pops his head in Akaashi’s room. “Washio and I have to leave now. You can take care of Akaashi by yourself, right Bokuto?” Akaashi thinks that he might be imagining it, but Konoha seems to have a mischievous look on his face. Akaashi doesn’t like it.

“Of course!” Bokuto flashes them a self-assured grin. “I just have to make sure he eats, takes his medicine, and sleep, right?” Akaashi watches them, a little detached from his usual mind.

“Looks like we finally drilled it into him,” Konoha mutters under his breath. “It only took twenty minutes. Yeah. I would also recommend feeding him, as I don’t think that he can do so without spilling over himself.” He definitely looks a little smug, which sets off warning bells in Akaashi’s head. He can definitely feed himself. He’s just sick, he’s not disabled. He opens his mouth to say so when Konoha continues talking.

“Well, we’re off! Take good care of him, and follow my instructions exactly, alright?” Bokuto salutes them and Akaashi thinks that he sees Konoha wink on his way out, but he’s probably imagining it. The front door opens and closes, and then it’s just them.

“I’ll feed you!” Bokuto declares, looking determined. He sets the tray off to the side before helping Akaashi sit up.

“I can feed myself,” Akaashi says stubbornly. Bokuto shakes his head and takes a spoon of the porridge before holding it up to Akaashi’s mouth.

“Konoha’s orders!” He says cheerfully. “No complaining allowed!” Akaashi hesitates before he finally opens his mouth reluctantly. The porridge is warm and goes down easily. It sits well in his stomach, and Akaashi is suddenly hit with a wave of emotions. He shoves them aside, refusing to think about them in his current state. 

As soon as he’s done eating, Bokuto helps him lay back down, though Akaashi protests that this isn’t necessary. Still, it feels nice being treated like this for once. Having someone take care of him while he’s sick, knowing that they’ll watch his back. It’s something that he could get used to.

After Bokuto makes him take his medicine, he settles down for another nap. Bokuto pats his head and Akaashi closes his eyes, feeling content. “Thank you,” he murmurs before he drifts off.

When he wakes up, the house is empty. Akaashi sits up and feels his forehead. He doesn’t think that he’s burning up any longer, but he’ll need an actual thermometer to check that. The raging headache is gone though, and he’s glad. 

There’s a note on the desk next to his bed. The handwriting is messy, and Akaashi picks it up. There’s also a crudely drawn owl, and Akaashi holds back his laughter.

_I’ll be thinking about you owl night long! Get better!_

Akaashi knows exactly who it’s from, and he pins it up on his desk. After checking his temperature and taking his medicine one last time, he goes back to sleep.

* * *

Akaashi wants to die of shame. He can’t believe his mouth had been so loose while he was sick. He can’t bring himself to step into the gym, and he’s trembling.

One stupid mistake, and his life was already over. How could he reveal so much to Bokuto, the loudest person on their team? Everyone probably knew by now, and they were all probably waiting to kick Akaashi off the team. Akaashi feels sick to the stomach.

“Akaaaaaaashi!” Something tackles him from behind, and Akaashi nearly falls over. Bokuto is hugging him tightly from behind, and Akaashi tries to pry him off.

“Bokuto-san, I can’t breathe,” he wheezes, and Bokuto immediately releases him. He doesn’t look too sorry, more excited and thrilled.

“You’re all better now!” Bokuto says with a bright grin. Akaashi winces as he thinks back to what he said and bows his head.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” he says unsurely, “And please forget everything I said. I didn’t mean to be a bother.” There’s silence, and Akaashi peeks up.

Bokuto looks devastated. Akaashi immediately pulls himself out of the bow, worried. “Did I say something wrong, Bokuto-san?” He asks cautiously.

He sniffs. “You don’t think of me as your friend?” He says, looking heartbroken. Akaashi’s heart nearly stops for a beat. Friend? 

“Friend?” He asks cautiously. Bokuto nods wildly. Was he being…serious? Akaashi didn’t say anything about their ‘friendship’. What was Bokuto talking about? 

Akaashi thinks back to what he remembers from being sick. Something clicks in his mind, and he suddenly sees Bokuto in a different light. Akaashi examines his face carefully, looking for the lie, but there isn’t one.

“I…I do,” Akaashi mumbles, and Bokuto’s mood does a complete flip.

“Let’s go practice then!” He cheers, and he drags Akaashi inside. As Akaashi gets pulled along, a small smile rises onto his face. This isn’t so bad. Perhaps Bokuto is far more sensitive than he gave him credit for.

“I just saw Akaashi-san smile!”

“No way!”

“For real?!”

Akaashi lets himself smile once, a genuine smile. As the team welcomes him back, Konoha gives Akaashi a thumbs up.

Maybe…this team was worth trusting

* * *

Akaashi’s always been particularly good at keeping a blank expression, but it’s been rather difficult lately.

It seems that Bokuto doesn’t understand the idea of personal space. Not that he personally minds, no, but it’s hard to control his blush when Bokuto is always trying to hug him or comes to him for praise. Akaashi prays to whoever is watching over him, asking for strength to overcome this.

He can’t even think about confessing to Bokuto.

Practice goes smoothly, and Akaashi is dragged into staying behind again. Bokuto’s energy is boundless, and he receives many sympathetic looks on the way out. They don’t know that he doesn’t mind staying afterwards. Usually.

Sometimes, he has to wrangle Bokuto into stopping before he works himself into the ground. As much as he respects his will to practice, there’s only so much he can do everyday without hurting himself. As soon as Akaashi senses that they’ve hit that limit, he immediately stops their extra practice. It’s taken some trial and error, but he knows how to coax Bokuto into stopping.

Today, Bokuto is on a roll. Akaashi feels especially attentive today, and they’re extremely well synced up. Bokuto hoots in victory as he slams the ball down hard onto the other side, and Akaashi is once again amazed by his power.

“Did you see that? Did you see that?!” He says, looking eager for praise. Akaashi hides a smile and keeps a cool expression.

“It was amazing, Bokuto-san.” Bokuto preens at his praise, and Akaashi resists the urge to pat his head. “One more?”

“One more!” Bokuto cheers before grabbing another ball and tossing it towards Akaashi. They continue practicing until Akaashi calls quits, and they wrap up.

“You’re doing especially well, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says. “If you keep this up, I’m sure that you’ll cement your place on the starting line-up.” Not that it needed to be cemented, but he was improving greatly as the days flew by.

“It’s ‘cause I have a great setter,” Bokuto insists, slapping Akaashi excitedly on the back as they walk out of the gym. Akaashi merely waits for him to finish, even if his back is stinging a bit. He gets a little eager sometimes, and Akaashi thinks that it’s adorable (if not a bit painful).

They come to the road where they split paths, and Bokuto waves energetically at Akaashi as he walks away. Akaashi watches him before he heads back to his home. As he approaches his house, he realizes that the lights are on. Strange. His mother must be home early today. 

“I’m home,” Akaashi says. There’s no response, as his mother is probably on the phone. As usual. He takes his shoes off and heads to his room to relax. To his surprise, his mother steps out of her room right as he’s about to enter his.

“Keiji!” She looks tired, and Akaashi pauses. “Can we talk for a moment? It won’t take very long.” Akaashi nods and sets his bag down inside of his room. Something seems off with his mother, and he’s a little concerned for her.

“I’ll make dinner.” She smiles gratefully at him before approaching him and kissing his forehead. She’s still in her work clothes, and her hair is twisted up in its usual elegant style.

“That sounds amazing. I’ll be out in just a moment, okay?” Akaashi nods again before he heads to the kitchen. He’ll stick with something simple, like curry. As he starts cooking, his mother slips into the kitchen in sweatpants and a shirt. Her hair is down in a low ponytail, and she looks more like his mother now, not a businesswoman.

“Keiji,” she says, looking exhausted. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been the best mother to you.” Akaashi’s hand falters but he forces himself to keep cooking. Why is she suddenly bringing this up?

“I know I’ve been incredibly busy because of work, and I’ve been neglecting you.” She plays with her fingers nervously. It seems that Akaashi inherited this particular habit from his mother. 

“A coworker of mine brought it up to me. He actually got quite mad when he realized that I leave you at home by yourself most days.” Akaashi doesn’t know what to say, so he focuses on the curry. 

“I’m sorry. I hope you’ll let me make it up to you.” Akaashi finally pauses and faces her. She looks tired and hopeful at the same time. Akaashi merely nods. He’s not really sure what he’s supposed to forgive her for. He’s been fine all these years.

His mother hesitates, and Akaashi senses that there’s more. She sighs. “Keiji, I’m really sorry, but I have somethingelse to tell you,” she says as he cooks. He nods to show that he’s listening as he continues chopping the vegetables. 

“We need to move back to our old house.”

Akaashi’s knife halts. She continues speaking, unaware that anything is wrong. “It’ll just be for a year or two, I have some unfinished business to take care of there. We moved to Tokyo to branch out, and it’s gone especially well during these past two years, but it can’t be helped. I know it’ll be hard, but I really hope you understand, dear.”

Akaashi can’t breathe. His mother seems to notice that something is wrong, as she stands and approaches him cautiously. “Keiji? Are you alright?” He forces himself out of his stupor and sets the knife down urgently before turning around to face her.

“Mom.” She startles, as he’s always referred to her as ‘mother’. He bites his lip, trying to figure out how he wants to phrase this. He can’t go back there, he _can’t,_ but he’ll have to tell her why if he wants to stay. “I-I need to tell you something, I haven’t told you all these years-“

She stops him by putting a finger over his lips. “Keiji. Relax.” Akaashi flinches, and his eyes become interested in the floor once she stops him. She pulls him into a hug and Akaashi freezes. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. 

“Take your time,” she says, holding him securely in her arms. “I’m listening.” Akaashi finds it hard to breathe and he wonders how he’s supposed to tell her. 

“I don’t want to go back,” he chokes. To his mortification, tears pour out of his eyes. I can’t go back there mom, I can’t,” he says into her shirt, his voice muffled. “Everyone hates me because I’m…” he can’t bring himself to say it, and he clenches his fist.

“Keiji?” She says unsurely. “Is there something you haven’t told me?” Akaashi stays silent, and her hold never once falters. 

“I’m gay,” he whispers. It’s out, and he’s scared, he can’t stop shaking, his heart is racing uncontrollably-

“Oh, Keiji.” She squeezes him tight. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having such a hard time?” 

Something that feels like relief seeps into his bones. This feels odd. He hasn’t hugged his mother like this in years, and he’s already in his first year of high school. However, he soaks up the affection and lets himself hide in her arms. 

“I didn’t want to bother you.” He didn’t feel like he could bother her either. She seems to hear the underlying message as she sighs heavily and holds him tighter. She’s silent for a few moments before speaking.

“Are you happy here?” She asks. Akaashi nods.

“Do you want to stay here?” He nods again. She thinks silently for a few minutes before she pulls away. Her eyes are resigned, but there’s resolve in them too.

“Keiji. I won’t take you back there with me. Do you think you’ll be alright here by yourself?” 

Akaashi thinks that he’s dreaming.

“I’ll come by every month to check on you, and I’ll have our relatives stop by to see how you’re doing once in a while. If it doesn’t bother you, I’d like you to come visit me as well. Is that alright with you?”

He can’t believe that his mother is letting him stay so easily. Part of his disbelief must show on his face because she chuckles weakly. “I haven’t really been taking care of you, have I? This isn’t much, but I’ll try to make it up to you like this. I can’t take away your happiness after you’ve started to find it.” She then smiles and winks at him. “I want you to introduce me to your boyfriend too.”

Akaashi turns scarlet red and she laughs at him before letting him go and leaning against the counter. “So, dinner?” Akaashi offers her a smile before he picks up the knife again and starts chopping. He feels blessed to have such an understanding mother.

Maybe there’s hope for the two of them.

* * *

“Agkgaaaashi!” Akaashi thinks that he’ll never make it to the day that Bokuto pronounces his name correctly. “You’re coming with us, right? We’re gonna get a quick snack!” 

For Bokuto, a quick snack probably means a large meal. Akaashi takes a deep breath and nods for the first time. Bokuto cheers loudly. 

“I’m glad you’ve decided to join us,” Washio says quietly. Akaashi looks up at the reliable second year. Akaashi likes him a lot. He rarely speaks, but he often has wise words to impart. He’s good at sensing other’s moods, and he’s also very considerate. 

“Yeah,” Konoha grins, slinging an arm around Akaashi’s neck. “It’s good to see you showing your face around here after practice. I was starting to think that you were a volleyball-only nerd.” 

“Hey hey! Volleyball is great!” Bokuto protests, and Konoha laughs, waving him off. 

“No worries, future ace. We still love you, even if you’re practice-crazy.” Bokuto pouts as everyone laughs, but it’s friendly. Akaashi hides his own smile. 

As he expected, Bokuto eats far more than a snack. While Akaashi munches on his onigiri, Bokuto eats out half of the store. 

It’s not really half the store, but it’s obvious that the owner wants Bokuto to leave. He keeps whining about wanting more snacks, and Konoha throws Akaashi a desperate look. Akaashi wonders why Konoha keeps giving him that look. It’s not like he has that much sway over Bokuto. 

Still, Akaashi sighs and steps up. “Bokuto-san,” he reprimands him softly, “you should be a bit quieter. The store owner looks quite distressed.” Bokuto slaps a hand over his mouth, and Akaashi gestures to the basket. 

“You should only pick one or two things,” he continues. “You’ll spoil your appetite for dinner if you eat too many snacks.” Bokuto seems to ponder Akaashi’s words, staring at his full basket. He suddenly nods decisively, startling Akaashi. 

“I’ll just take these then!” Much to Akaashi’s surprise, Bokuto sets the basket down and takes out a few bags. “You’re super smart, so you must be right!” Akaashi wants to laugh at how easy this was, but he merely takes the basket to the cashier and apologizes after Bokuto checks out. 

Konoha is grinning widely. “Looks like our future ace listens to his setter, hm?” Akaashi gives him a sharp look, but Konoha is already flocking off somewhere else to cause more trouble. 

Much to Akaashi’s amusement, Bokuto’s stomach growls loudly after he finishes his snacks. “Agkaaashi,” he whines. “I’m hungry.” He’s munching on his pork bun, and Akaashi sighs before handing over his second onigiri. Truly, he makes big sacrifices. Washio offers Akaashi some of his precious bread, but Konoha and Komi protest that he’s picking favorites. Really, it’s all very headache inducing. 

Still, this is fun. Akaashi wouldn’t mind doing it again. Things are going well, and he feels quite content among them.

_Is he happy yet?_

* * *

Strangely, Akaashi’s phone rings during practice. He jogs over to his bag to put his phone on vibrate. Akaashi checks the number that called him, but he doesn’t recognize it. He picks up his water bottle to get a drink and moves to drop his phone back in his bag, but it buzzes. Akaashi throws the captain an apologetic look before he picks up. “Hello?”

_“Akaashi?”_

Akaashi startles. This voice...“Kiyoshi-san?”

 _“Oh, thank goodness I have the right number. I called because I have some important news for you.”_ Akaashi wonders what it could be. Why would Kiyoshi be calling him now of all times?

He falters as he realizes that there would only be one reason why Kiyoshi would call him. His water bottle falls out of his hand and opens when it hits the ground, sending water sloshing all over his shoes. Kaori yelps in surprise, but he pays no attention as the rest of the gym suddenly focuses on her.

_“Isao is awake. He’s been asking for you.”_

Akaashi’s knees give out from under him and he grabs the bench to stabilize himself. “A-Are you serious?” He manages to choke out. Is Isao really awake? Is he dreaming?

 _“For real, kiddo. He’s awake.”_ Akaashi can hear the relief in his voice, and Akaashi covers his face with his free hand, hiding the tears that are threatening to make an appearance.

_“He read your letter. He won’t tell me what it said, only that he wants to talk to you directly. Would you be able to visit for a few days?”_

Akaashi bites his lip, overcome by a mix of relief and anxiety. The team is crowded around him, asking what’s wrong, but he can’t bring himself to answer. “Yes,” he chokes out. “I’ll be there as soon as possible. Please tell him that for me.” He hangs up and covers his face with both of his hands.

“Akaashi! Are you alright?” Bokuto’s voice pierces through, and he vaguely registers Washio shooing everyone back to practice. Akaashi takes a shaky breath before he hurriedly wipes the rest of his tears away.

“I won’t be at practice for the next few days, Bokuto-san. I have to make a trip somewhere.” Bokuto stares at his face, making Akaashi wonder if he’s said something weird, but he only smiles and nods.

“I must be important, right?” Akaashi bites his lips and nods. Bokuto grins widely at him.

“We’ll be waiting for you!” Bokuto squeezes him in a tight hug before he hurries back to practice. Akaashi hurries to the coaches and briefly explains his situation before he quickly strides to the changing room. Within minutes, he’s headed home.

His mom listens to his request and agrees. “Something else I can do to try and make it up to you, right?” She says with a wry smile. Akaashi hops on the train back to his hometown, and he’s anxious the entire time. He keeps his earbuds in and tries to relax, but he only ends up making himself more nervous.

Isao is awake. He’s finally awake. Akaashi never had a chance to properly confess, but he wanted Isao to know. That’s why he wrote the letter. However, Akaashi knows that his heart belongs to someone else now. Though he’s scared, he’s determined to go through with it. Isao deserves that much from him.

The train ride can’t pass by fast enough, and Akaashi’s leg shakes nervously. As soon as he hears the station name called out, he books it off the train. He flags a taxi down and asks the driver to hurry to the hospital. He rattles off the name from the text that Kiyoshi sent him, and he pays him extra when he arrives there ten minutes earlier. 

He asks a nurse for directions, and he runs as soon as she points him in the right direction. Someone yells at him to slow down, but he ignores them. 

He ends up crashing into someone, and he quickly spits out an apology. As Akaashi tries to move around him, he grabs Akaashi’s shoulders. Akaashi looks up to snap at him, but his words immediately die on his lips. 

Kiyoshi smiles wryly at him. He looks a bit older, but he’s just as handsome and kind as Akaashi remembers. “Hey there. Be careful not to run into a wall.” Akaashi slowly nods. Now that Kiyoshi’s in front of him, he doesn’t know what to say. 

Kiyoshi seems to sense what he’s feeling, and he gently pushes Akaashi forward. “I’ll show you to his room. It’s not too far from here.” Akaashi follows his lead quietly. Kiyoshi stops a few doors down and gestures for Akaashi to go in.

Akaashi grabs the handle of the door, but he hesitates to open it. Kiyoshi is standing behind him, giving him support. “It’s alright,” Kiyoshi says, putting an encouraging hand on his shoulder. “Go on. He’s waiting.”

Akaashi will forever be grateful for the day that he met Kiyoshi at the restaurant. Something about his presence puts Akaashi at ease, and he takes a deep breath before pushing the door open.

A familiar pair of doe eyes meet his, and Isao smiles.

“Hey.”

Akaashi walks silently towards the bed. Kiyoshi shuts the door to give them privacy, but Akaashi pays him no attention. A single tear rolls down his cheek, and Isao reaches up to wipe it away.

“Hey,” Akaashi whispers, reaching over to touch Isao’s face. He’s really here, and he’s awake. Akaashi pulls him into a hug, and Isao laughs.

“You never instigated hugs first,” he jokes. “What’s the special occasion? Do I have to land myself in the hospital more often now?” Akaashi wants to hit him for making such a joke, but he settles for squeezing him in a tight hug. All he can feel is overwhelming relief.

He eventually pulls back and gives Isao a quick look over. He seems tired but alright, and he’s smiling genuinely at Akaashi. “I’m going to get right to the point,” Isao says. He reaches for Akaashi’s hand and holds it tight.

“I don’t think we should date,” Isao says, and Akaashi gives him a surprised look. “I knew the moment you walked in here. There’s someone else now, isn’t there?”

Akaashi wants to cry again. He squeezes Isao’s hand back, hoping that he’ll understand what he’s trying to say. Isao chuckles.

“You’d be surprised how much you can change after spending a few days with my brother. I didn’t know what to do with your letter when I woke up, but he talked me through it. And my feelings.” Isao releases Akaashi’s hand, looking up to meet his eyes. “You’ll always be special to me. All I want now is for you to be happy.”

Akaashi leans in to press a kiss to his cheek, even as tears run down his face again. Isao turns bright red, and Akaashi hides his laughter. It’s nice to see that Isao is still easy to fluster. “Tell me about him,” Isao says, gesturing to the chair. Akaashi takes a seat and smiles through his tears. It seems that he’s been crying a lot these days, but he doesn’t really mind. 

Perhaps it was a bit overdue.

* * *

“Are you happy now?” Akaashi looks up at Kiyoshi and his boyfriend as he exits Isao’s room. There’s matching rings on their hands that Akaashi missed earlier in his haste, and it sends a bolt of excitement through him.

“I am,” Akaashi says quietly. “Congratulations on your engagement.” The couple grin at him in thanks, and he feels a little dizzy from their combined force.

The boyfriend grins at him. “Did you find people you can trust? Those who’ll support you no matter what?” Akaashi’s mind flashes back to when he was sick, when his teammates had come to check up on him.

_“He’s right.” Akaashi looks over at the doorway with a confused look. Washio is standing there with a steaming bowl. “We all like having you on the team. Trust us a little more.”_

“Yes,” Akaashi says, smiling softly. “I found them.”

* * *

The train ride back is far less nerve-racking than the ride there. This time, he closes his eyes and leans his head against the seat. He thinks about his teammates, the new quick he wants to try, the nice managers, and Bokuto.

Akaashi doesn’t want to lie to himself any longer. He knows that he likes Bokuto. He just doesn’t want to say anything. He knows that Konoha supports them, but Akaashi can’t trust his interference. It was embarrassing enough to have Bokuto feed him when he was sick.

As soon as he arrives home, Akaashi crashes onto his bed. He closes his eyes and forces himself to ignore his thoughts. Rest will be good for him, so he empties his mind and soon falls asleep. 

His mother pats his head the next morning. “Did you have a good trip?” She asks, a little awkwardly, but Akaashi appreciates the work she’s putting in. He nods before setting a plate in front of her. It’s an easy breakfast of toast and eggs, but he wants to hurry to school. 

“Thank you,” she smiles tiredly at him. It seems that her job is still working her hard, but she’s sacrificing the little time she has to rest to be with him. Something warms his heart, and he quickly presses a kiss to her cheek before hurrying out of the house. If he had bothered to glance back, he would have seen her shocked, yet pleased expression. 

Akaashi walks briskly to school. The morning temperature is perfect, and he can see buds starting to grow on the trees. This brings his mood up higher, and he smiles lightly to himself. 

“Agkaaaaaashi!” 

Akaashi braces himself for impact, and Bokuto comes crashing into him. Thankfully, they don’t topple over, but Bokuto’s arms are wrapped tightly around Akaashi’s shoulders. 

“Please don’t butcher my name like that,” Akaashi requests politely. Bokuto smiles unapologetically, and Akaashi resigns himself to his fate. 

“Did you have fun on your trip?” Bokuto asks loudly, and Akaashi nods. “That’s great! You look a lot better now too!” Bokuto grins widely, unaware of the turmoil he’s causing in Akaashi’s chest.. 

“Hurry! Let’s run to school!” Bokuto yells, and Akaashi flinches. 

“Wait, Bokuto-san-” 

Akaashi resigns himself to his fate for a second time as Bokuto grabs his wrist and breaks into a sprint. He’s sweaty and exhausted by the time he arrives at school, and he ignores Bokuto during practice that afternoon as revenge. 

He seeks out Kaori as the other members clean the gym after practice. “Kaori-san. I apologize for spilling water on your shoes.” He bows his head apologetically but she waves away his concerns. 

“Don’t worry about it! It seemed like you had some shocking news, and a little water never hurt anyone,” she grins. “More importantly, you’re looking a lot brighter today.” 

Her expression is warm and open, and Akaashi is, once again, startled by how kind everyone on this team is. Something strange must be in his expression, as Kaori’s expression turns a little sad as she pulls him into a hug. 

“Everyone on this team is glad to have you, Akaashi-kun,” she says. “You’re a great person. Don’t tell yourself otherwise.” Akaashi hesitantly brings his arms up to hug her, and she squeezes him tight. 

“Group hug!” Bokuto suddenly yells, and he jumps onto the two of them. The two of them barely manage to avoid falling from Bokuto’s weight, but they all fall into a pile when a few other members join their pile. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi groans. “Please get off me. You’re a bit heavy.” Bokuto wasn’t in any way fat, but he certainly packed a good amount of muscle. Slowly, they all detangled from each other, and Bokuto offers his hand to Akaashi. Akaashi takes it and nearly falls over from Bokuto’s strength. 

“Sorry Akaashi,” he says, looking a tad unapologetic. He must sense that Akaashi isn’t in a bad mood, and that he actually didn’t mind all that much. 

A loud clap suddenly catches his attention, and his eyes meet Konoha’s. “To congratulate Akaashi on whatever happened on his trip, we’re going to dinner as a team tonight!” Konoha announces. “No one is allowed to skip, or we’ll have Bokuto drag you back!” Akaashi eyes the captain of the team but he’s nodding, so it must be alright. 

Konoha’s words catch up to him and he pauses. The dinner was to celebrate...him coming back? Was it even worth celebrating? Konoha must sense the confusion on his face as he grins widely. 

“Seems like something good happened,” he merely whispers. “Glad to see you’re looking brighter.” Akaashi still must look skeptical, as Konoha leans over to whisper to him. 

“It’s more of an excuse to get the upperclassmen to pay for our dinner,” Konoha whispers. “Komi is a really convincing talker, so he managed to get them to agree to this trip.” Konoha pats him on the back. “It’s true that you’re looking a lot better though, Akaashi. Maybe the trip was something you really needed.” 

Akaashi nods and watches as Konoha bounces off somewhere else. Bokuto sticks firmly next to Akaashi on the walk to dinner, and he immediately claims his spot to Akaashi’s left. Konoha ends up taking the seat on his right, and Akaashi enjoys a pleasant dinner with his teammates.

* * *

Akaashi senses that something is off as he enters the gym. There’s normally a buzz of noise that echoes through the room, but it’s mostly silent today. The members seem to be a little confused, and Akaashi approaches them. 

“Is everything alright?” 

Konoha’s eyes widen as he spots Akaashi. “Please help,” he begs. “We don’t know what to do and he won’t listen to any of us! He won’t move from his spot!” 

Akaashi assumes that they’re talking about Bokuto, but he also doesn’t know where he is. “If you could direct me to him,” Akaashi trails off as he notices something under a nearby desk. 

“Bokuto-san?” 

There’s no response, but Akaashi approaches the desk and squats. Konoha gestures for the team to get ready for practice, and Akaashi appreciates that everyone heads to the locker rooms to get changed. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi tries again. There’s still no response, only a tiny sniffle. Akaashi internally sighs. 

“Bokuto-san, if you don’t respond, I’m going to have to crawl under the desk and squeeze in with you,” Akaashi says. Bokuto flinches at his words, but he still doesn’t move. Akaashi frowns, having caught his flinch. 

Perhaps…

Akaashi reaches out but hesitates right before his hand touches Bokuto’s arm. Maybe he’s wrong about this but something in his gut tells him that he is right. He closes the remaining distance and gently grabs Bokuto’s arm. 

Bokuto lets out a wild shiver, and Akaashi lets out a sigh of relief when his touch isn’t rejected. “Bokuto-san,” he says quietly. “I would very much like a hug, if you don’t mind.” 

There’s a moment of stillness before Bokuto comes out from under the desk and crushes Akaashi in a tight hug before tucking his head into the crook of Akaashi’s neck. The hug knocks the air from his lungs, but he still wraps his arms around Bokuto’s wide back. Feeling a touch awkward, he pats him on the back. 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says. “Just as you have promised to support me, I will support you as well. Please don’t keep this kind of thing to yourself.” Akaashi is learning. It’s still hard for him to open up, but he’s doing his best. 

“It’s...difficult for me to express my needs,” Akaashi says slowly. “But I endeavor to do my best, and I hope that you will too. That’s what friends are for.” At least, that’s what he thinks. 

Bokuto nods, his hair ticking Akaashi’s face. “If you like, we could ask the coaches to give us a day off,” Akaashi suggests. Bokuto immediately shakes his head, and Akaashi figures that he still wants to attend practice. He sits there patiently until Bokuto finally releases him from the hug. His eyes look suspiciously wet, and Akaashi unconsciously reaches up to wipe his tears away. 

He halts right as he realizes what he’s doing, and there’s a tense moment in the air. Then Bokuto offers a wobbly smile. “Come home with me after practice for dinner?” Bokuto asks hopefully. 

Akaashi is a little startled at the unexpected question, but nods. Dinner at Bokuto’s house is rambunctious, and he meets his Bokuto’s parents, who immediately take to him like Akaashi is their own son. It’s fun.

* * *

There’s something startling about realizing that Bokuto struggles as well. As Akaashi thinks, he comes to the conclusion that Bokuto is a tactile person. Of course, this isn’t anything new, but he thinks more about it now. 

Bokuto later confesses quietly to him in private, telling Akaashi that he hides under a desk when his mood suddenly plunges and he feels lonely. It must be incredibly difficult for Bokuto in these moods, as he’s someone who thrives on social interaction. Akaashi almost hugs him impulsively, but he manages to hold himself back. Instead, he offers his silence and a promise to help. 

Bokuto looks like he’s going to burst into tears, and Akaashi panics when he does. Bokuto manages to clarify that they’re happy tears as he wraps Akaashi in a giant bear hug, and Akaashi lets out a sigh of relief. He didn’t mess this up. 

In fact, they become even closer after that day.

* * *

The team seems to collectively decide that Akaashi is the only one capable of taking care of Bokuto, so he is dubbed as Bokuto’s caretaker. It’s not that Akaashi necessarily minds helping Bokuto, but he feels as if the team is up to something these days. 

For one, the amount of time they spend together during simple tasks increases exponentially. 

“Akaashi-kun!” Shirofuku gestures for him to come over. “I’m really sorry to ask this of you, but I need to pick up our new uniforms. The coaches asked me to do something else for them though, and I would really appreciate some help.” 

Akaashi nods. “I can go get them,” he says. It’s not a bother. 

Shirofuku looks immensely relieved. “Thank you,” she says with a smile. “Ah, Bokuto! Would you mind helping Akaashi fetch the new uniforms? I don’t think he can carry all the boxes by himself.” 

Bokuto bounds over with his usual energy. “Of course!” He beams. “Leave it to us!” He says with a salute. Shirofuku jokingly salutes him back before grabbing her clipboard and heading towards the coach’s office. 

“Do you know where we’re supposed to go?” Akaashi asks. Bokuto nods, gesturing towards the nearby hallway. 

“We pick them up at the teacher’s office! I did this last year too, so I know where they are!” Akaashi follows silently as Bokuto leads the way while chatting excessively. When they arrive, Akaashi frowns at the sight of a mere two boxes. 

“I thought there would be more than this,” Akaashi comments. After all, she had called Bokuto to help him. Bokuto suddenly stops and scratches his head. 

“I don’t think there were that many boxes last year either,” Bokuto says thoughtfully. “I can carry them all by myself!” 

Bokuto doesn’t seem to really question it, but it definitely weighs on Akaashi’s mind. Still, he doesn’t give it much thought at the moment. They soon return to the gym with the boxes, and Shirofuku thanks them again.

A few days later, something similar happens. 

“Akaashi!” Konoha waves at him. “I have a doctor’s appointment after practice, do you mind closing up with Bokuto today?” Akaashi eyes him strangely but nods. Why hadn’t he changed days with someone ahead of time?

“Great! I promise I’ll take your next turn,” Konoha grins before grabbing his bag and running out the door. “Thanks!” 

Once again, it tickles at the back of Akaashi’s mind but he simply dismisses it as his imagination. The two of them clean quickly, and Bokuto insists on getting a snack somewhere before they each head home. At this rate, Akaashi’s wallet will be wiped out.

The next weekend, they have a game at a nearby school. It’s called Nekoma, and Akaashi eyes Bokuto warily. He seems to be full of extra energy today, and he’s a little worried as to what that might mean for the team. 

As soon as they arrive, Bokuto shoots off the bus, leaving behind a startled Akaashi. Akaashi blinks twice before picking up his bag and Bokuto’s bag and heading off the bus. As he enters the gym with his team, he immediately spots Bokuto hugging someone he doesn’t recognize. 

The first thing he notices is that the hair is absolutely atrocious. Akaashi wrinkles his nose in distaste. Is it even possible for someone’s hair to stick up like that? Nonetheless, Akaashi sets their bags down next to his teammates. 

The coach pulls him aside along with the third year setter for a moment to offer some suggestions, and Akaashi notes his words carefully. It seems that Nekoma is a school that they practice with often, and the coach lays down the important people. Once the coach releases them, Akaashi heads for the bleachers but is stopped by the strange mess of hair. 

“Hey!” He grins at him, and Akaashi immediately narrows his eyes. There’s something about him that makes Akaashi nervous, but he doesn’t quite know what it could be. “I’m Kuroo. Kuroo Tetsurou. Bokuto’s told me quite a bit about you.” 

Ah. He’s the middle blocker on the other team. The coach had mentioned him. A formidable foe, one that Akaashi doesn’t look forward to playing against. 

“It’s rude to just stare like that,” Kuroo says.

“My apologies. I’m Akaashi Keiji,” he says. He doesn’t offer anything beyond that, and Kuroo’s grin only seems to grow wider. 

“It seems that you don’t really like me,” he says with a smirk, looping an arm around his shoulders. He’s taller than Akaashi, and Akaashi shifts uncomfortably. 

“Please remove your arm,” Akaashi says politely, and a familiar head of black and white suddenly yanks Kuroo off his shoulders. 

“Yeah!” Bokuto sticks his tongue out at Kuroo. “Agkaashi doesn’t like strangers touching him!” Akaashi can’t recall when he said this to Bokuto, but he doesn’t argue as it’s working in his favor. However…

“Bokuto-san, please say my name correctly,” Akaashi says. Kuroo cackles at Akaashi’s displeasure, and Bokuto smiles sheepishly. 

“Sorry ‘Kaashi!” The nickname makes Akaashi flush, but it’s a tad better than how his name is usually butchered. He’ll take what he can. 

“Kuroo!” Someone from the Nekoma team hollers from the other side of the gym. Akaashi notes that his hair makes him look like a punk, and he’s quite surprised that it’s allowed at Nekoma. “Hurry up! Coach is getting pissy!” He’s smacked on the head by a shorter, brown haired guy and Kuroo laughs. 

“Looks like I’m needed. It was nice meeting you Akaashi,” Kuroo leers before walking away. Akaashi watches him with his eyes narrowed. It seems that he’ll have to keep an eye out for that one. He seems rather troublesome, and Akaashi is not fond of people who are troublesome. 

Except for Bokuto. Bokuto is always the exception, since he’s exceptional. 

Akaashi is proven right. Kuroo seems to be well-versed in reading Bokuto, and Akaashi would be quite impressed at his skill in timing, except for the fact that Bokuto is starting to get disheartened. It seems that the rest of the team picks up on it as well. He can sense the glances they give Bokuto when he’s not looking, and there seems to be a general feeling of unease. 

Still, Fukurondani isn’t called a powerhouse school for nothing. The rally goes back and forth, neither team pulling far ahead of the other. Akaashi continues keeping an eye on Bokuto, and he winces as Kuroo manages to shut him down completely. 

“Yeah!” Kuroo leers at Bokuto, who crosses his arms and lets out a loud huff. Akaashi glances at Konoha, who’s giving Akaashi a desperate look. Akaashi shrugs, since he can’t control Bokuto’s mood swings. 

“We’re going to win today!” Bokuto scowls at Kuroo before the team rotates. It’s his turn to serve, and Akaashi genuinely feels scared for the back of his head. For Bokuto’s sake, he doesn’t cover his head, but waits with slight trepidation. 

Thankfully, the ball makes it over and comes back towards their side. As they prepare for an attack, Akaashi feels a sense of unease in his stomach. As Bokuto flies through the air for an attack, he’s completely shut down again by Kuroo. 

Their entire team winces as Bokuto lands on the ground. Kuroo smirks from the other side of the net, but Akaashi only has eyes for their spiker. He mentally prepares himself for impact, when-

“Don’t toss to me anymore, Akaashi,” Bokuto says sullenly. His hair is flopping over and he’s hunched over on himself. “I’m not doing well today...I should just sit out and let someone else play…” 

“Do something!” Konoha whispers desperately to Akaashi. “He’s going to self-destruct at this rate! We can’t afford something like that!” 

Akaashi looks over at the coach, but he shakes his head. It seems he won’t be subbing Bokuto out, so it’s up to him to find a method that’ll bring him back together. Akaashi bites his lip as he thinks, then he nods and takes his place. 

“Continue playing normally,” Akaashi says. “Bokuto-san, I won’t toss to you until you’ve pulled yourself together.” His voice is curt and sharp, and Bokuto’s expression turns shocked. “Bokuto-san, we play as a team. We all take responsibility together.” Akaashi takes a deep breath. “Have faith in our abilities. We won’t let them pull ahead, so we’ll wait for you.”

A strange expression overtakes Bokuto’s face, but Akaashi puts it out of his mind. The team is giving him appraising looks, but Akaashi has more important things to worry about. They continue playing, and Akaashi is surprised by how well the team works, even without Bokuto. Their style of playing changes ever so slightly and it’s difficult, but they manage to keep even with Nekoma. 

As they continue playing, Akaashi keeps a close eye on Bokuto. His eyes follow the ball, but Akaashi can see the emotions flickering across his face. He waits for the right moment, the moment where his eyes flicker back to life. 

Akaashi calls out to him. 

“Bokuto-san!” 

He leaps, and he scores. 

* * *

Akaashi reaches to pick up the ball, but a familiar pair of hands beat his. Bokuto grins from where he’s squatting across Akaashi. 

“Good game!” He says brightly, and Akaashi nods. “It was tough, but we pulled through in the end,” Bokuto says proudly. Akaashi kindly does not point out that it was Bokuto’s mood swings that caused them to struggle in the middle. 

Bokuto seems to hesitate before he smiles sheepishly. “Thanks, Akaashi.” Without another word, he turns and leaves with the ball in his hands. 

Akaashi blinks.

* * *

Akaashi watches Kiyoshi paint. There’s something mesmerizing about the strokes of the brush and the lines of paint it leaves across the canvas. Slowly, a landscape comes to life among the myriad of colors. 

“What’s on your mind?” Kiyoshi suddenly prompts. His hand never falters, and Akaashi’s eyes stray from the paint to the side of Kiyoshi’s face. The light casts a soft glow on his face, and Akaashi’s heart skips a beat. To be quite frank, he’s not quite sure he’ll ever get over his slight infatuation. 

“I can tell you’re worried about something,” Kiyoshi adds, tapping the brush to throw some speckles onto the sky. “You know I won’t breathe a word to anyone else.” 

Akaashi had returned to his hometown for the weekend to visit his mother. It’s only been two weeks since she left, but he isn’t about to turn down her request for a visit, not when their relationship is finally on the mend. It’s also nice to be able to visit Isao and Kiyoshi so soon. 

Unfortunately, Isao is still recovering in the hospital, so Akaashi is at his house instead, visiting Kiyoshi. He’s content to sit there and watch him paint, but it seems like Kiyoshi wants to make him talk. 

“How do I know it’s okay?” Akaashi finally murmurs, staring at the ground. Kiyoshi’s paintbrush comes to a halt, and Akaashi knows because he can no longer hear the sound of the bristles against the canvas. 

“You don’t.”

Akaashi takes a sharp breath. He dares to glance up, and Kiyoshi is smiling fondly at him. 

“It doesn’t have to be ‘okay’.” Kiyoshi resumes painting, and Akaashi hangs on to his every word. “Who’s to tell you whether it’s okay or not? It took me a while to realize, but it’s never been about whether it’s okay or not.” 

Akaashi holds his breath. 

“It’s about what makes you happy.” 

Kiyoshi sets his paint and brush down before he moves to join Akaashi. “As long as you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else, go do what you want. Life’s too short to be worrying about silly things like ‘okay’. Just keep yourself safe.” 

Kiyoshi wraps an arm around Akaashi, and Akaashi hesitantly leans into his side. “I’m guessing you met someone special,” he says conversationally. Akaashi nods. 

“Do you trust him?” Akaashi hesitates before nodding again. Kiyoshi smiles and pats him on the head. “Trust your gut. If I had chosen to back down all those years ago, I’d currently be single.” 

“He’s special,” Akaashi murmurs. “He...he protects me, but he lets me help him too. He’s unbelievably kind, and I’ve never met anyone like him.” 

Kiyoshi hums. “There’s a lot of people in this world. Some of them will hate you, a good portion of them won’t care about you, and some of them will like you.” Kiyoshi tilts his head upwards and looks towards the ceiling. “If you’re lucky, you’ll find someone who shines like the sun. Someone you can’t look away from, no matter how much you try to run.” 

Kiyoshi runs his hand through Akaashi’s hair, and Akaashi slumps against his side. 

“Take a leap of faith. You’ll never know what you might’ve missed out on otherwise.” 

* * *

Take a leap. 

A leap of faith.

Akaashi doesn’t know how to make that leap. 

Interestingly, life has its own way of throwing curveballs at him.

“I really like you Akaashi!” Bokuto blurts. “Will you please go out with me?!” 

* * *

He’s not ashamed to say that he runs. 

Well, he’s a little ashamed. 

He’s hiding behind a convenience store, and he’s staring blankly at the ground. Of all things he expected, a confession was not among the list. His heart is still racing, and he can’t really seem to form cohesive thoughts. 

“Akaashi?” 

Akaashi immediately flinches. He hesitantly turns towards the voice, and feels a pang of guilt at Bokuto’s sad expression. “Bokuto-san,” he says, a slight waver in his voice. 

“Do you...not like me?” Bokuto asks. He looks like he’s about to cry, and Akaashi immediately panics. 

“I-It’s not like that,” Akaashi fumbles over his words, unsure of what he wants to say. “I, I just…” 

He trails off. Bokuto remains silent, looking at Akaashi. Akaashi gets the feeling that Bokuto is letting him make the next move, but Akaashi’s heart is still undecided. He will never forget the pain he’s felt, and a wave of anxiety rolls over him-

_Take a leap of faith._

Akaashi closes his eyes and takes deep breaths. It takes a moment, but he manages to collect enough of himself. Take a leap of faith, he says. Akaashi can trust him, right? 

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says, trying to keep his voice steady. “I’m scared. I’m terrified. I might run away if I get too spooked.” Bokuto watches him, his gaze unsure. Akaashi reaches forward and grabs his sleeve. 

“Even then,” he whispers, “can you still accept me?” Bokuto’s face lights up, and he crushes Akaashi in a tight hug. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” Bokuto chants, squeezing the air out of Akaashi. “Yes! I’ll always love you, Akaashi.” The unexpected word throws Akaashi off, and he suddenly laughs. 

He laughs and laughs and laughs before he cries, the tears flowing out uncontrollably. He clings to Bokuto with little shame, and Bokuto holds him tightly. They sink to the ground as Akaashi sobs, his body wracked with tremors and fear and relief all wrapped in one.

“I’ll always protect you,” Bokuto whispers to him, and Akaashi believes him. 

“And I’ll always protect you,” Akaashi promises.

* * *

Akaashi sighs. He had asked Bokuto if he wanted to go on a date during their break, and Bokuto is trying to snatch his hand and lace their fingers together. “Bokuto-san, please refrain from holding my hand in public.” Bokuto squawks in protest, but Akaashi tugs his hand away. He still doesn’t feel comfortable enough to be so open.

Bokuto seems to wilt. “Sorry Akaashi,” he says, looking depressed. A wave of fondness rolls through Akaashi, and he gathers all his courage before glancing around and hesitantly pressing a shy kiss to Bokuto’s cheek. He’s quick to pull away, but Bokuto’s eyes light up as he tackles Akaashi in a hug, and Akaashi fights a smile that threatens to appear on his face.

“Akaashi?”

His blood runs cold as he recognizes the voice. Akaashi’s eyes follow the voice, only to spot a familiar face.

Kyoko stares at him with wide eyes, looking just as pretty as when he last saw her. Her eyes trail over to Bokuto, and Akaashi suppresses the urge to step away. It’s difficult, but he knows that Bokuto will defend him. He knows he has friends who will stand with him, not against him.

Still, he can feel his body trembling. It’s hard to erase what happened in middle school. He still remembers what it was like to duck his head every time he walked in the school, every time he had to clean his desk and throw away trash, and every time he sprinted to make it home before someone else got to him.

All because she wanted petty revenge.

“It is you, right? Akaashi? From middle school?” She looks at him with an expression he can’t quite discern, but he wants to leave. He came here for a date with his boyfriend, not to meet an old…acquaintance.

"No," he says flatly before turning around. "Let’s go, Bokuto-san." Bokuto, who’s surprisingly been silent this whole time, nearly trips over his feet as he follows Akaashi. This time, Akaashi can’t suppress the small smile that appears on his face at Bokuto’s eagerness to listen.

“Wait,” she blurts, causing Akaashi to halt. He doesn’t know why he stopped. “Can we talk? Just for a few minutes.” Akaashi dares to glance over his shoulder, and he’s genuinely surprised by what he sees. She looks tired and resigned, and she doesn’t look like she’s about to start picking on him. Well, it wasn’t like she had actually ever done anything to him, but she had started everything.

Still, the look in her eyes makes Akaashi hesitate. “Akaashi?” Bokuto asks. Akaashi knows that Bokuto lacks any kind of tact in most situations, but he’s being extremely thoughtful to Akaashi right now. He knows that Bokuto is telling him that he’ll follow whatever Akaashi wants.

“Can you wait for a bit?” Akaashi asks. Bokuto nods.

* * *

A cup of coffee sits in front of him, untouched. Akaashi stares at Kyoko, who stares back at him. There’s no ill intent from her gaze, but Akaashi doesn’t know why else she would be here. He also doesn’t want to waste much time here, so he speaks first.

“What did you want to talk about?” He asks bluntly. He takes a sip of the coffee and grimaces. He should’ve ordered something a little sweeter. Kyoko only watches him with a dull expression.

“About what happened in middle school,” Kyoko starts, but Akaashi raises his hand to stop her. She immediately stops, though she looks surprised at her own reaction.

“I’ve already moved on,” Akaashi says bluntly. “I don’t want to hear your excuses or apologies. It’s a sore topic for me, so it would be best if you just left it alone.” Kyoko looks startled, and her lips are pulled tight.

“Do you know what the first part of my name means?” She asks, and Akaashi pauses to think about it.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

She only smiles tightly, and it hits Akaashi. Quite honestly, it only makes everything worse.

“Ironic, isn’t it?” She laughs, but there’s nothing humorous in her voice. Akaashi only feels a tiny bit of empathy for her, but he refuses to dwell on it.

“What you did was wrong and hurtful,” he tells her. She looks resigned, as if she’s already accepted this. He’s glad that she’s learned her lesson. “Just because you had your own insecurities didn’t mean you could hurt someone else to make yourself feel better.”

“I know,” she says. “And I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear an apology, but you deserve one. I sensed you were the same as me, so I went to confess. I knew you were like me, but you rejected me so coldly, it felt like you were looking down on me. I couldn’t stand it. I thought I found a way to fix our problem but you refused my offer. After that…well, you know,” she trails off uncomfortably.

Akaashi’s a little surprised that she knew back then. Even he hadn’t known. He had wondered a while back if it was true that there were people who could immediately sense these kinds of things about other people. It seems like Kyoko is one of those people.

“I hope you changed your way of thinking,” Akaashi says. “I’m going to be blunt. You hurt me because of the delusions you created in your head. I just didn’t want to date anyone. That was it.” 

Akaashi pauses. “Being gay isn’t some kind of sickness you can cure,” he says. The way she phrased her words...Akaashi doesn’t like the implications of it.

“How do I get over it?” She asks, and she looks so despondent that Akaashi can’t help but feel pity for her.

“Are you happy right now?” He asks, and she remains silent. Akaashi thinks back to when life was miserable for him. After moving to Tokyo, everything had begun to change, slowly and surely.

Bokuto waves at him from outside, and Akaashi smiles fondly at him. “I’m happy now,” he tells her. “I have an amazing boyfriend, and I have friends who support me. Even if people hate me, I can stand against it now. I’ve accepted myself for who I am.”

He stands. “I’m not sure what you were looking for from me, but I hope that you can find what makes you happy. Try not to lie to yourself for a change.” He takes his coffee with him as he leaves the shop.

Bokuto’s eyes light up when he comes out. “Thank you for waiting, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says. Bokuto beams as Akaashi laces their hands together. He feels like he can be a little bit braver with Bokuto next to him.

“Anytime, Akaashi!” He says happily. Akaashi lets himself smile as Bokuto pulls him along, chatting about their date and volleyball and yakiniku (he had promised to take Bokuto to yakiniku for lunch).

He’s happy now. 

**Author's Note:**

> warning: homophobic language, non-graphic bullying
> 
> a good portion of this is based off my own experiences, and i also incorporated other stories i've heard as well. remember you are perfect the way you are, and there are people out there who will love you exactly the way you are. i've found those people, and i wouldn't trade them for anything.
> 
> i really like kiyoshi as a character - the older and kind person that akaashi can't help but crush on. i had someone like that too, though i didn't realize that it was a crush at the time. i couldn't help but add him in :P
> 
> thank you for reading >_<


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